Let Go
by mjwho
Summary: Sequel to "Letting Go," continuing the theme of loss in Doctor Who, this time leading up to River's death in "Forest of the Dead." "She would rather die there in that library saving him than to never have met him. It's what she wanted. She had made her choice already, and she would make the choice again." Rated T for suggestive themes. I do not own Doctor Who.
1. Only one way

"**There's only one way you could know that name, only one way I could…" ~**_**Doctor Who, **_**"Forest of the Dead"**

Chapter 1

"Yes!" River hopped down from the console as The Doctor walked into the control room. "Yes, I will marry you, Doctor!"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks, dumbstruck. "Umm… River?" He had only just followed her out of his bedroom on the TARDIS, where he had already felt very, very… married.

"You never really asked me. You just took me to that rooftop and wrapped a scarf around my hand and said we were married, so I just wanted to know what it was like to say 'yes.'"

He sauntered up to her now, smiling crookedly, a look of understanding crossing his face. When he reached her, he spoke quietly into her ear, "I should think you would remember the word you were screaming several times over the last hour." The Doctor leaned against her until her body was pressed up against the console. "And I believe you're the one who led _me_ to that rooftop…

"Would you do it again? Would you still marry me, River?"

"Yes," she repeated, softly. With his hands in her hair, he kissed her on the lips. It was a kiss that said he knew how she liked to be kissed, a kiss full of long nights and long days spent together, of shared memories and shared loss, and of love. As The Doctor pulled away from the kiss, he wrapped his arms tight around her and held her longer than he normally would have.

"Doctor, you are acting strangely. You just showed up on my doorstep and whisked me away. I know you. Please talk to me."

"Where are you going this time?" he asked jovially, ignoring her question and still holding her. "What GRAND archaeological scheme are you planning, River Song?"

"Who said I was going anywhere, sweetie?" She pulled back to look at him.

"You always get a bit… well, _you _know… _excitable_ before an expedition." He said irritably. "And I'm _definitely not _complaining about some of the perks that I enjoy with your state of mind, but it's like you can't wait to be off."

"Are you offended?"

"No." he said a little too emphatically. He was almost petulant.

"You are! Why, because I won't travel with you all the time? Or because you really want to go to some stuffy library and look for signs of life… information that is highly confidential, by the way… I don't know why yet, but I intend to find out." He didn't respond.

"If you are worried about me, that's part of it, my love, you know that. Why start worrying about me now?" She winked at him, but The Doctor was silent. He pulled away from her completely and walked to the controls, brooding. River was puzzled, but she knew to wait out whatever mood had entranced him. She soon tired of waiting, however, and opened her mouth to question him.

He must have heard her intake of breath, because he preempted her query by turning toward her, saying brightly, "I know where we should go next."

His eyes betrayed his smile, but before she could pinpoint his thoughts, he was running around the console, punching in coordinates and spinning dials and pulling levers like a madman. A madman in his blue box.


	2. Time can be rewritten

"**Time can be rewritten! / Don't you dare! Not those times..." ~ **_**Doctor Who**_**, "Forest of the Dead."**

Ever since New York, when River had told him that she had been pardoned, The Doctor knew his time with her was coming to an end. He had made many memories with her, more than he had hoped for when he first dropped her off in prison. The times spent just with her were very special to him, times when the Ponds were home being "normal." Later, he wasn't sure how he would have coped if River had not been there for him after Amy left. And now he was about to lose River, too. It was more than he thought he could bear.

When he had showed up at River's doorstep, he had been resolved to take her on one last spectacular trip. One more time, he would get to hold her and feel her and show her his love. He knew her time was coming, and he had asked her where she was going merely to confirm his fears. The Doctor had told himself that he could act like nothing was wrong. But realization sank in as soon as he had seen her smiling face. This would be the last time he whisked her away. The. last. time. And River would find out that he had known all along how things would end.

He checked the console absentmindedly while she slept in a room nearby. _I could stop her from going,_ he thought. _We could travel through time and space together for many years more. Just do it. Just take her somewhere other than Darillium, anywhere, and somewhere else after that, and on and on until she forgets about that library. _But he knew that was not in his power. River would get suspicious if he tried to change her plans - she already thought he was acting strangely. And he had seen her fate; it was now a fixed point in time. The last time they had tried altering a fixed point - when River had tried not to kill him - the entire universe had almost ceased to exist. _But then we got married._ They had fixed the universe and cheated death and got married. _Surely we could do it again! There must be a way!_ He pounded the console of the TARDIS in frustration at his own powerlessness.

"Rose… Martha… Donna… Amy… Rory… _River_." Speaking these names aloud, he felt like he could never love another companion as much as he had loved the ones he had already lost. "Oh wake up, Doctor! You _chose_ this. You always choose this. You pick up companions along the way like they were stray puppies, and you name them and love them and when they die or run away you howl and scream because you have to go on living without them! I will not go through this AGAIN!" His last word reverberated around the control room of the TARDIS and came back to him sounding distant, as if it had taken years to come back, not seconds. Afraid of waking River, he stormed down to the underside of the console, feeling like breaking something.

"Why _can't_ I save her?" He was still tempted to turn and run, River on the TARDIS next to him, where she belonged. He didn't care about the fixed point or the end of the universe, anymore. He used to care, but now he couldn't. He could not imagine going on anymore, without his loved ones beside him.

If he kept her from going to the library, it was very likely that he would die there, along with Donna. Then he never would have met River. Maybe that was best. River would cease to exist, actually, since she had been conceived on the TARDIS itself, and he would be dead. But he wouldn't have to feel the pain he was feeling now. If he had died, he wouldn't even have to mourn Amy and Rory. But then he never could have saved Amy from the crack in her wall. (_Would the crack even be there if it weren't for me_?)

But an echo came back to him through the fog of despair that was threatening to engulf him. "Don't you dare!" River had been adamant about not rewriting the times they had spent together. She would rather die there in that library saving him than to never have met him. It's what she wanted. She had made her choice already, and she would make the choice again. No, he could not deny her final request to him. He would not.


	3. They sang and you cried

This ending was a loooong time coming! Hope you enjoy! Review please!

"**...you knew… you took me to Darillium to see the singing towers... and they sang and you cried." -River Song**

_**Doctor Who**_**, "Forest of the Dead"**

**Chapter 3**

"Do you realize, sweetie, that our diaries are perfectly synced this time? That's never happened before."

"Well, THAT'S a relief. Now we can talk freely." The Doctor smiled his most winning smile. "Shall we?" He held out his arm for her to take, and she did. Right where she belonged. He was in his favorite tuxedo and top hat. She, in the dress he had given her ages ago on their first night together. She had not worn it then, but it had appealed to her tonight for some reason. He had almost forgotten it was still on the TARDIS.

"Yes," she said to him, smiling her smile that said she was ready for fun and adventure. The Doctor led her out of the TARDIS and onto a platform. Spaceships flew overhead and into a beautiful sunset. Clouds hovered just under and around the platform, so fluffy River felt as if she could just step out and walk on them to the towers. The spaceport hummed and a wind hit their faces as they walked to the silver stairway. The Doctor had insisted they take the stairs, an unusual request from someone who didn't like waiting for anything.

They climbed and climbed. The TARDIS below them looked small as a button. A blue speck on the sleek metal platform. Their shoes rang softly on the metal stairs. The air was cold, causing River to pull her coat around her thin dress.

"I read that before the platform was built," she said, "visitors arriving to listen to the towers would lean out the doors of their ships wearing an oxygen tank and full body suit. Why not just listen through the coms of their ship? Why risk the fall?"

The Doctor frowned as he climbed, "Legend has it that the singing is so beautiful that anyone who is within distance wants to listen to them naturally. The urge to get as close as possible is so pronounced that people risked their lives just to hear them sing. Many accidentally died, of course, which is why they built the platform."

"Similar to the Sirens of Greek mythology."

"Yes. But the towers are not malicious. Just...exquisite." He glanced at River who was two steps ahead of him.

"So you HAVE been here before?" she turned and asked.

"No. I was waiting to bring you."

"I'm glad we're here now," she beamed at him. "I've always wanted to visit."

They reached the topmost observation landing, their breaths forming ice crystals in the air around them. Enormous rocky towers jutted out of the clouds, looking like tall, skinny volcanos without fire. River thought they looked a little like an enormous pipe organ, the sky their church. The Doctor took River's hand.

"Let go," she said unexpectedly, pulling her hand away from his.

"What's the matter?" He asked, concern drawing a frown on his face again as he looked around protectively.

"I want to record this. Give me a moment." River pulled a small flat device out of her coat pocket and turned it on. It glowed green for a second and then died. River pursed her lips and shook it, then tried the switch again. "It can't be dead, I just checked it before we left!"

The Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the recorder. Then he hit the switch again. Still nothing.

"That's odd," she said. "Do you think something out here is interfering with it?"

"Maybe," he said. The Doctor fiddled with his sonic, mindful that the towers could begin singing any minute. Then he pointed it at the recorder once more, and the green light lit up so fantastically that it illuminated a closely entangled couple standing several feet away. They protested loudly. River scrambled to help The Doctor turn it off.

"Sorry!" he called over to them, an awkward smirk playing across his lips. "Just checking that nothing FUNNY is going on over there!" The man muttered something in their direction as The Doctor tried to turn down the green light. It was on for good now, though, so he guiltily stuffed it into his pocket to hide it. He looked back to the couple, "Don't worry! Everything looks OKAY!" And he waved.

River shushed him. The air around them trembled as they turned toward the towers.

The towers sang, but the Doctor did not hear them. He only heard River's heart beating as she listened to the discordant notes, then the hitch of her breath as the towers burst out in a haunting melody. _Melody Pond. _He smiled and wrapped his arm around her as he watched her.

River never did anything halfway. Her eyes half-closed, her cheek resting on his coat, she allowed the music to wrap itself around her. For a moment, the Doctor was jealous of the music weaving itself around her heart. If he could find a way to become a part of her, too, he would never have to leave.

_Let go_, the voice inside his head whispered.

"How?" he answered.

River turned to him. "Hmm?"

The Doctor cleared his throat, whispered "Nothing," and smiled at his beautiful wife.

She turned back to the towers, and at last the Doctor heard them singing. One tower broke from the others, its aria shimmering through the last of the sun's rays as they disappeared beneath the clouds. The song pierced both the Doctor's hearts, breaking them into a million pieces. He stopped breathing, his chest twisting painfully as he hugged River. Tears ran down his face and into her hair, the salt mingling with her scent-the scent of golden sunshine. He committed each tear to memory as it fell.

"Doctor?" River twisted in his arms, a tight frown marring her forehead. "What is it, my love?"

The Doctor released River to wipe his tears with his hands. "I never thought it would be so beautiful," he said.

The other towers re-joined the song, and the music crescendoed as they sang their final notes. The Doctor put his hands on River's cheeks, looking into her eyes, his tears gone but not forgotten. Like River. He would never forget her.

"River Song," he whispered. The song hit one long stabbing note. "Each time our timelines meet, each time some future or past versions of ourselves find us staring into the face of death, you will have a choice. Will you always say yes?"

She smiled sweetly, "Always." River leaned forward and kissed a tear from his cheek. The song faded, the air still resonating with its final note. They stood in darkness. The planet had two moons, but both were dark tonight. As if to show respect for the Doctor's grief.

The couple nearby moved further into the shadows of the platform.

"Will you always ask me?" River asked.

The Doctor smiled his crooked smile, "Always."

By the time the Doctor dropped her off, he had managed enough composure to kiss her and say, "See you later." He watched River walk into her house. She turned at the door and blew him a goodbye kiss, like she always did. He smirked then stepped into the TARDIS.

He sniffed and dug around in his pockets for a handkerchief while he set coordinates for somewhere far away. His fingers hit the recorder he had stuffed in his pocket. He pulled it out, the green light still glaring at him like a one-eyed monster. He sonic'd it quiet and sank onto the bottom stair near the console as the ship screeched and hummed him to a new place.

The recorder blinked a red light. It had recorded something. Without pausing to consider, the Doctor pressed the button. The towers' song filled the TARDIS, echoing his grief throughout the ship. He listened to the entire song now, interspersed with his conversation with River. When it finished, the Doctor sought the button that would erase it. His thumb ran over it a few minutes without pressing.

"_Time can be rewritten!"_

"_Don't you dare! Not those times . . ."_

The Doctor placed it back in his coat pocket. No, not those times.


End file.
